Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
