She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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