don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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