My liver just broke up with me...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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