No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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