Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
