I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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