Someone shit on the floor
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
