every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i will never coherently bang her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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