I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
