Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
