I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
