She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
