I am puke
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
