He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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