Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
