so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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