Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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