ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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