i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's always time for handjobs
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
