i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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