I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
