Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
