I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk is a universal language darling
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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