my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
