and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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