just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
