I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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