He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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