I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
