Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
