What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
