i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
