Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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