i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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