nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
