ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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