i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
