I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
