She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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