Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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