we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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