You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
