when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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