My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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