I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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