i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
