i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
