Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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