you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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