Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
