Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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