That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
