I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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