have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
