i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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