i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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