My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
