apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
