my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
