Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
