dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
