3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
