If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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