I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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