i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
