I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
