i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
