John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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