She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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