Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
