So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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